Valentines Day can be a challenging day for single people. But it can become a day of hope–if we resolve to ignore the bankrupt dating advice foisted upon us and finally align our search for love with the tools of real intimacy. The following three suggestions may fly in the face of most everything you’ve learned about dating–but they lead to real love.
On this first day of the New Year, I’d like to share a counter-intuitive approach to human change that I find tremendously exciting. Here is its central idea: Our deepest wounds frequently spring from our greatest gifts, and by acknowledging those gifts, we can speed and deepen our own healing.
I’ve found that four conditions often forecast the advent of real and healthy love. Love’s arrival feels like magic; a gift of luck. Yet we can invite that luck by approaching our dating life differently. If these shifts are happening for you, be encouraged. You’re probably well on the way to finding the kind of love that can last.
Self-improvement is often no more than self-criticism in an alluring outfit. Our culture focuses obsessively on the endless allure of improvement, but there’s a much more thrilling area of inquiry: What parts of ourselves are aching for expression, and why do we flee their heat?
Beneath the glitz of much dating advice lies a cynical reverence for the power of packaging and promotion: “Women, be a vixen. Men, learn to seduce. Everyone keep your partner guessing. Lose weight. Be confident. Get out there more.” At the end of the day, this approach doesn’t lead to love. It leads to insecurity and desperation. Luckily, there is a wiser way.