Valentines Day can be a challenging day for single people. But it can become a day of hope–if we resolve to ignore the bankrupt dating advice foisted upon us and finally align our search for love with the tools of real intimacy. The following three suggestions may fly in the face of most everything you’ve learned about dating–but they lead to real love.
Beneath the glitz of much dating advice lies a cynical reverence for the power of packaging and promotion: “Women, be a vixen. Men, learn to seduce. Everyone keep your partner guessing. Lose weight. Be confident. Get out there more.” At the end of the day, this approach doesn’t lead to love. It leads to insecurity and desperation. Luckily, there is a wiser way.
Sexual attraction can’t be forced. Most of us have learned that the hard way. What we haven’t been taught is that sexual attractions can be educated. Even if you’re relentlessly attracted to bad-boys, bad girls, or to unavailable people, you can still learn how to cultivate your attraction to partners who are good for you. This post will teach some ways to do this.
We’re taught that the search for love is a numbers game, with odds stacked in favor of the most attractive. Well, we’ve been taught wrong! When we approach dating as an intimacy journey rather than a numbers game, our whole experience changes for the better. What are your own intimacy lessons? Your answer to one question can reveal them:
Why do our most intense romantic passions so often end in disaster? There is an insight which can help us unravel this mystery: Our most painful attractions actually arise from our deepest intimacy gifts. This post will help you recognize your own attractions of deprivation, but, even more important, it will help you identify the intimacy gifts that they conceal.